Est. 2026 · Bonded & insured · 47 metros

Someone deserves it.
We'll handle the rest.

The world's first on-demand network of vetted professional ball-kickers. Average time to impact: 38 minutes. Discreet billing. Photo confirmation included on Standard tier and above.

Place an order → How it works

Reviews ★★★★★ 4.8 on Trustpilot, from 12,847 verified deliveries.

Featured in TechCrunch, Forbes, The New Yorker, Vice, and one DOJ filing.

Compliance SOC 2 Type II (pending). HIPAA-adjacent. Terms of service written in invisible ink.

How it works

Four steps to deserved consequences.

Our proprietary fulfillment network turns vague resentment into measurable, photographically-documented closure. Most orders complete in under an hour.

01 / Submit

Submit a target.

Name, address, last known whereabouts, and a brief grievance statement. Photo upload optional but appreciated.

02 / Configure

Choose your tier.

From a polite tap to the Premium Roundhouse. We'll match the energy of your grievance with proportional response.

03 / Dispatch

We dispatch.

A nearby vetted contractor accepts the job. You can track them live from acceptance to impact, like any delivery app.

04 / Confirmation

Photo confirmation.

Encrypted delivery to your inbox within 90 seconds. Optional video upgrade. Anonymous note delivery available.

Pricing

Tiers for every level of resentment.

Pricing scales with footwear, contractor experience, and documentation level. All tiers include our standard discretion guarantee and post-impact debrief.

Casual

For minor inconveniences.

$49

per kick · 24-hour delivery

The Knee Tap
Light footwear standard
No witnesses guaranteed
Email-only support

Trusted by people with grudges.

We surveyed 2,341 customers six months after their first delivery. 94% reported "complete or substantial closure." 71% had not been contacted by law enforcement.

My ex stopped texting after just one delivery. Worth every penny. Would recommend to anyone going through it.

Jordan M.

Standard tier · verified

Ordered for my landlord. Took 31 minutes. The video was crisp. He fixed the leak the next morning.

Rachel S.

Premium tier · verified

Sent one to the guy who reclined his seat into my knees on a 12-hour flight. Closure achieved.

Devin K.

Casual tier · verified

Frequently asked

Questions, asked nervously.

We get a lot of the same questions. Most have answers. Some have non-answers, which are themselves a kind of answer.

Is this legal?

Almost certainly not. Our terms of service are written in invisible ink for a reason. We have a robust legal defense fund and excellent counsel. Use at your own risk.

What if my target doesn't have testicles?

We offer a fully equivalent Pelvic Region Package™ at no extra cost. Equity matters. Our contractors are trained in inclusive impact zones across the full spectrum of human anatomy.

Can I gift a kick to a friend as a prank?

We strongly advise against it but will not stop you. Gift cards available in $50 increments. Note that "they're going to think it's so funny" is the most common refund justification we don't honor.

What's your refund policy?

Once the kick is delivered it cannot, by definition, be un-kicked. We do offer apology services starting at $79 (same contractor, different tone) and a 10% credit for verified instances of mistaken identity.

How do I become a kicker?

Apply through our contractor portal. Soccer experience preferred. Background checks waived for the first 30 deliveries.

Will my target know it was me?

By default, no. Our contractors are trained in the silent dispatch protocol. For an additional $25, you can include an anonymous typewritten note. For $50, a custom monologue. We do not, under any circumstances, identify you.

You know who
you're thinking of.

First-time customers get $20 off their first delivery. No questions asked. No follow-up calls. Just closure.

Start an order →

Use code DESERVED20 at checkout.

Someone deserves it. We'll handle the rest.